Hey Lama, how about a little something?
A man asked a Tibetan Lama, “My kid is a linebacker for his high school football team. I find myself rooting for him to cream the opposing quarterback. Is there anything wrong with that?”
“Of course not,” replied the Lama. “You love your son. You want his happiness. He’s happy when he beats the other team. This is only natural.”
The man smiled and said, “Thank you, Rinpoche. I feel much relieved.”
The Lama laughed and said, “I was only joking! Actually, this is not at all the right attitude. In fact a good practice for you would be to root for the other team. See them winning. See them happy. See their parents overjoyed. This is the bodhisattva way.”
Last week, an old friend called me in tearful dismay at not being among the acknowledged for a large gift that was given to her organization, a gift for which she had felt very much responsible. She lamented not only that she wasn’t recognized, but that others were being praised in her stead. She was quite shaken.
My first instinct was to tell her that she should just be happy for the organization’s success and that was enough. Then I remembered this story and I invited her to try it. I asked her to be sincerely and actively happy not just for her organization’s win, but for the others who were being recognized. To feel their joy and to celebrate it with them.
This is counter-intuitive to our competitive minds, but it is the only real remedy for envy. It also has a powerful effect on our ability to actually partner and collaborate with each other.
Collaboration and Lip Service
I hear so much talk in our sector about collaboration. We claim we must find ways to collaborate among each other and among our organizations if we are going to successfully impact the enormous challenges in our world. We all agree that these challenges are far too immense for any one organization. But collaboration is hard. Especially when our minds are hard-wired around the belief that the world is a zero-sum game. Many try to convince themselves that collaboration is a good idea. But when the rubber hits the road, rooting for their own team is what keeps the opposing team from eating them alive. You can’t afford to collaborate or surely everything else will be lost. You can’t be happy for others or else you will become weak and lose your edge.
Just try it. The next time one of your star employees is scooped up by one of your competitors. Or when your Board member makes an enormous gift to another organization. Or when your college roommate makes his first billion and you’re sitting in your nonprofit-sized cubicle. With sincerity, be happy for their good fortune.
When we honestly wish for other’s success, a natural feeling of abundance emerges and roads for collaboration open that we never imagined possible. We become much more capable of giving and receiving. Of course, this is easier said than done given our conditioning. This attitude can’t be “installed” into your hard drive from an outside vendor. It’s only sustainable when we see no separation. But for now, seeing the world through another’s eyes is at the very heart of collaboration precisely because it makes us feel (and know) that there is plenty to go around.
Best of all, in the words of Carl the caddy, “On your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness.” So you’ll have THAT going for you.
