When I was a new fundraisier, one of the first things my boss told me was that the average cultivation period for a major gift is 12-18 months. “Take your time,” he said. “Get to know people.  Get them fully convinced about what we do. Then make the ask.”

This sounded reasonable to my very green ears. So I planned my strategy accordingly and in those early years would visit with people a half dozen times or more before ever making an ask. Over the years, though, I’ve discovered that waiting this long to ask is not only unnecessary, it’s counter-productive. Here’s why:

1. People don’t get committed and then give. I used to believe this. I believed I had to spend a long time getting to know people while convincing them that our organization’s vision and data is more compelling than any other organization’s before they’d be ready to give.  What I discovered, though, is that people give and then develop their commitment. It’s after they write the check that they really start to get involved in a meaningful way.

2. I’ve talked with lots of philanthropists over the years who say things like: “I’ve met with Jim from my kid’s school five times already and he still hasn’t asked me for anything. The fact that I continue meeting with him clearly implies that I’m interested, but I’m getting tired of taking meetings where we don’t get down to what’s really needed here.”

As much as you’d like to think so, your donors are not going to ask you first. You have to ask them when their energy and enthusiasm is the highest – which is going to wane if you wait too long.  There is no hard and fast timing rule, but generally 2-3 visits are enough to establish a solid foundation of rapport, to turn the light of urgency on inside someone and to make the ask.

3.  Speaking of urgency, the urgency must come from within the donor. External urgency — e.g., the world is coming to an end if we don’t do this now — simply doesn’t work as a long-term motivator.  Similarly, just trying to persuade people  based on data or facts is not going to be enough to motivate them. Every organization is convinced it has a clear and compelling case for support with strong data to support it. It’s simply not enough to rely on that only.

Your job is to light that fire of possibility from within a donor, not from without. How do you do this?  Through narrative.  Narrative is the single most important weapon in your arsenal. Narrative doesn’t take the place of compelling data, it frames it.  Lead with narrative and use data to support the overall story of possibility.

When your prospective partners see themselves as a vital part of the narrative, the ask to give is effortless. Not because you’ve sold them on an idea or because you’ve convinced them with persuasive arguments, but because they can envision a future where they are partners with you and your organization. With your guidance, they will write themselves into the narrative and will be on fire to give their money, time and energy in your powerfully and ever-unfolding story.